If Scandinavia were a reality show, Denmark would be the bossy big brother: loud, opinionated and always reminding the others that he was here first. With the oldest continuous monarchy in Europe (over 1,000 years!), Denmark has spent centuries bossing, scheming, marrying and occasionally butchering its way through history.
Let’s rewind through the episodes of this royal family drama.
Episode 1: Bluetooth & the Birth of the Monarchy
Our series kicks off in the 900s with King Gorm the Old and his son Harald Bluetooth. Harald united Denmark, got a giant runestone in Jelling (today a UNESCO World Heritage Site), and introduced Christianity — basically a Viking rebrand.
👉 Fun fact: your wireless Bluetooth is named after him, because he united tribes the same way your headphones unite with your phone. Denmark: inventing connectivity since 958.
(Tip: if you’re visiting Denmark, you can still see the Jelling Stones in person — they’re often called “Denmark’s birth certificate.”)
Episode 2: The Kalmar Union — One Crown to Rule Them All
In 1397, Denmark went full “big sibling mode.” Under Queen Margrete I, the Kalmar Union united Denmark, Sweden and Norway (plus Iceland, Greenland and Finland for good measure).
On paper: one big happy Nordic family.
In reality: Denmark hogged the remote.
- Sweden: “You’re not the boss of me!”
- Norway: “…this is fine.”
- Iceland: “Don’t mind me, I’m just writing sagas in the corner.”
Episode 3: Christian II & the Stockholm Bloodbath 💀
Enter Christian II, also known as the Tyrant. In 1520, he invited Swedish nobles to his coronation banquet in Stockholm. Everyone was having a nice time… until he accused them of treason and had around 80 executed over three days.
History calls it the Stockholm Bloodbath. Sweden called it: “We’re out.”
By 1523, Sweden stormed out of the union, slammed the door and never looked back.
Episode 4: Norway & Iceland — Basement Roommates
With Sweden gone, Denmark still had Norway and Iceland under its thumb:
- Norway: stuck with Denmark from 1380 to 1814. When Denmark lost a war, Norway was handed over to Sweden like a consolation prize in a messy divorce.
- Iceland: Denmark’s last long-term lodger, finally leaving in 1944 while Denmark was too busy being occupied by Germany to argue.
It was less “family unity,” more “extended basement rental.”
Episode 5: Southern Sweden — The One That Got Away
Denmark once owned Scania, Halland and Blekinge (aka southern Sweden). Fertile, rich, strategically perfect. But after losing a string of wars in the 1600s, Denmark had to give them up to Sweden.
To this day, some Danes still sigh after a beer and mutter: “Skåne was ours first…”
It’s the royal equivalent of stalking your ex on Instagram.
Episode 6: Absolutism & Drama
By 1660, Denmark gave up on controlling everyone else and instead focused on controlling itself. Enter absolutism: the king ruled with total power. Lots of wigs, lots of gold frames, very little democracy.
This lasted until 1849, when Denmark finally got a constitution. Translation: the big brother finally agreed to share the Xbox.
Episode 7: Christian IX — The Father-in-Law of Europe 💍
If bossing siblings around doesn’t work, marry into their families. That was the strategy of Christian IX (reigned 1863–1906).
He became known as the Father-in-Law of Europe, because his kids married into nearly every royal house:
- Daughter Alexandra married Edward VII and became Queen of the UK.
- Daughter Dagmar married the Russian tsar and became Empress Maria Feodorovna.
- Son George I became King of Greece.
- Grandson became Haakon VII of Norway, the first king after Norway ditched Sweden in 1905.
Result? Denmark didn’t rule half of Europe anymore — but it was related to it. Imagine Christmas dinner when your in-laws are the British king, the Russian tsar and the Greek monarch.
It was the royal equivalent of: “Fine, if I can’t rule you, I’ll be related to you.”
Episode 8: Modern Royals — From Bloodbaths to Hygge
Fast forward, and Denmark’s monarchy has swapped executions for elegance.
- Queen Margrethe II (1972–2024): chain-smoking, art-loving, sharp-witted. Reigned 52 years and was beloved for being gloriously herself.
- King Frederik X and Queen Mary: the new royal couple, modern and relatable (he’s sporty, she’s from Tasmania — Denmark literally imported a queen).
Today, the royals wave from balconies, host cozy state dinners and promote Danish culture abroad. But deep down, the monarchy still carries that big brother energy: “Don’t forget, I was king first.”
👉 Curious about how Danish culture mixes old and new? Read our stories from Denmark – I’ll bet you’ll learn a thing or two.
Final Episode: The Legacy of Denmark’s Big Brother Monarchy
- Europe’s oldest continuous monarchy (with receipts).
- Centuries of unions, bloodbaths, and royal matchmaking.
- From bossy overlord to “the in-law of Europe.”
The story of Danish royal history isn’t just crowns and castles — it’s a thousand-year saga of ambition, drama and family squabbles. And in true big-brother fashion, Denmark is still reminding the Nordics (and half of Europe): “You wouldn’t even have a monarchy if it weren’t for me.”